By Sharon Tumukunde
Couples, married or dating all over the world, have one thing in common.
They all want to have that “happily ever after” kind of Love.
The world has sold us an idea, through romantic movies and love songs.
These messages that air on our Televisions, radios and now smart phones have been regurgitated over and over again setting a high standard on all things shallow i.e., looks, height, curves, money etc. while true grit in any lasting relationship including Communication, Trust, Patience and Endurance have been kicked to the curb.
It is possible for you to grow and maintain a strong, loving relationship by knowing your relationship style.
Relationships, just like human beings continue to evolve and this too is largely, dependent on the changing environment.
Research has proven that in any given relationship, you will find a flower and gardener.
A gardener, according to Astropad.com in a relationship, is someone who is selfless, supportive and nurturing while a flower is someone who soaks up all the gardener’s efforts in order to bloom and be fabulous.
Does any of this make sense to you?
Naturally, when a man shows interest in a woman, the process of courting and winning her heart makes him the gardener and her the flower.
He will do whatever it takes to ensure that he makes her feel like the world revolves around her, that she is the most perfect and beautiful being on earth. This is to be expected.
How to know you are a gardener or flower
Mercy Birungi, who works in the finance department at Voice of Muhabura, says her husband always makes her feel like a flower but deep down in her heart, she knows she is a gardener.
“As newlyweds, I have to be strong and supportive to my husband financially because he is not yet where he wants to be so I support his dreams and do whatever it takes to give him a hand so that his progress is our win, Birungi says.
Barnabas Kamugisha, Sports Analyst and Journalist confesses that he is a flower because ever since he got married, he has never minded about the small things, thanks to his wife.
“I swear to God, I have never washed my stockings, once they are off my feet, I don’t even know how they get off the ground, I really have to cook, wash or even clean the house, my wife has it covered, Kamugisha says
He notes that though he is a flower in the relationship, he understands that his wife needs to be pampered every now and then.
“I know exactly what makes her happy, once am home she doesn’t want phone calls from friends and work. She also loves to go out for pork, loud music and dancing, when she gets this from me, she becomes the brightest flower in the entire room, Kamugisha explained.
Being a flower or being a gardener comes with its own benefits and downside, however keep in mind that each one of us, has a bit of both within us, it is up to us to discover where you thrive better.
“I love it when my wife wakes up to a vase of freshly picked flowers. The smile on her face says it all”, Alex Gahima, another radio personality says.
Alex explains that each time people visit his home in Rusiza, they appreciate Mary his wife for picking flowers and loving her home.
“In essence, I don’t mind my wife getting all the credit because she deserves it. I think that she is my gardener when it comes to big decisions like finances, relatives who we have not visited in a long time, wrong company I keep and am her gardener when it comes to encouraging her to pursue her dreams, Alex explains.
21 year old Prima Awor says it can be detrimental for a woman to be a flower because the relationship will be all about her and she will never do anything to support her partner financially and emotionally.
It has been proven that most Women tend to be gardeners because of the way they have been raised.
African Mothers train their daughters to serve their husbands, no questions asked.
A few Present African fathers also showed young men to be providers and defenders of their homes. As it was it then, is not how it is now. Change is upon us.
In the 21st century post Covid-19 era, we need to pay attention to our relationship styles.
It has become more prevalent to find many couples fighting with their words and sometimes with their fists.
Shawn Michael a banker says he has been dating Brenda for two years now and he thanks God that she is a gardener because she is fully vested in the relationship.
“She is my best friend and always comes through for me, no matter, I thank God I found her, Shawn says.
Brenda says her relationship is very important and she has learnt to deal with the ups and downs by listening first before reacting.
“Sometimes we have fights but I choose to concede even if I am not the one in the wrong because I hate it when we fight, it disorganizes the harmony and balance of our relationship, Brenda explains.
Brenda urges fellow women to always be mother figures to their partners because mothers love their children selflessly.
Whatever you fancy yourself to be, always make room for the most important things, open communication, prayer, fun, kindness, time and willingness to forgive and to be forgiven. Those are the makings of Happily Ever After!
This week, I will offer tips on understanding your love language and how important they are in building a strong and stable relationship.
Sharon Tumukunde @SharonTumukund2
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